Glossary
Perpetual problems
Perpetual problems are recurring conflicts rooted in lasting differences in personality or needs. The Gottman Institute finds they make up 69% of conflict.
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The Gottman Institute separates solvable problems, which are situational and can be settled, from perpetual problems, which come from deeper differences and keep coming back. It finds 69% of relationship conflict is perpetual, and that every couple has some.
The goal isn’t to solve them. It’s to be able to talk about them with acceptance, humor and affection. When a couple can’t, the problem becomes gridlocked: the same painful exchange or icy silence, round after round.
A perpetual problem often hides behind a solvable topic like the dishes or running late. Naming the need underneath can help it move.
Sources
- The Gottman Institute: Managing Conflict, Solvable vs. Perpetual Problems (checked October 21, 2026)
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