Glossary
Flooding (emotional flooding)
Flooding is being so physically overwhelmed in a fight, heart racing and stress hormones rising, that you can no longer listen or think clearly.
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The Gottman Institute calls it diffuse physiological arousal. The heart races, on average above 100 beats a minute, and the body responds as if it’s under threat. In that state people attack, defend or shut down, and very little gets through.
The fix is a real break, not a better argument. The Gottman Institute’s guidance is to ask for a pause, take at least 20 minutes so the stress hormones can leave your bloodstream, and agree on a time to come back.
Use the break to calm your body, not to rehearse your case. The Gottman Institute suggests letting go of thoughts of being right or wronged and doing something soothing instead, like a walk or music.
Sources
- The Gottman Institute: How Stress Can Cause Relationship Dissatisfaction (checked October 21, 2026)
- The Gottman Institute: The Four Horsemen, Stonewalling (checked October 21, 2026)
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