Every question about Untangle, answered

Can an AI actually help with this?

With one thing, yes: getting what you feel into words your partner can take in, and checking they did. Tara asks one question at a time, never takes a side and slows things down. We have no study of Untangle yet, so don’t take our word for it. Your first untangle and first 3 days are free. Try it on a real fight.

Is it private? Will my partner see what I said?

Your partner sees nothing you wrote until you share it, and a private word with Tara stays private. Stored conversations are encrypted with AES-256. They’re never sold, never used for ads and never used to train AI models. You can export or delete everything from your account, any time.

My partner won’t do this. Is it still worth it?

Yes. Your side works on its own: you leave knowing what the fight is really about and how to say it. When you’re ready, send a link. Your partner joins free. They can join from any phone, iPhone or Android, with nothing to download and no account. You’re not the only one: in a study of people who tried to sign up for an online couples program, 52% had a partner who never finished signing up.

We already see a therapist. Is this for us?

Yes, between sessions. The fight doesn’t wait for your next appointment. Practice the conversation with Tara when it comes up, then take what you found back to your therapist.

How is this different from ChatGPT?

ChatGPT hears one side: yours. Tara hears you both, each on your own phone. She follows a real method (Kamal Sarma’s rules for feeling heard, and 3 yeses before anyone tries to fix anything), and she never says who’s right. Agreement feels good. A mediator gets you somewhere.

How do I cancel? Can I get a refund?

Cancel at least 24 hours before your 3 days end and you pay nothing. On your iPhone, cancel in Settings: tap your name, then Subscriptions. Apple handles refunds for App Store purchases, at reportaproblem.apple.com.

What happens after the 3 free days?

On day 4 Apple charges $25 to your Apple Account, and then monthly. Cancel in your iPhone’s Settings (tap your name, then Subscriptions) at least 24 hours before your 3 days end and you pay nothing at all.

Does my partner need their own membership?

No. Your partner joins free. Every link you send your partner works for them without an account or a card, now and later.

What if a month doesn’t serve us?

Cancel in a tap and you won’t be charged again. Apple handles refunds for App Store purchases: request one at reportaproblem.apple.com. And tell us what didn’t work at kailash@letsuntangle.co, even one line.

Isn’t 3 days too short to fix anything?

You’re not fixing a relationship in 3 days. You’re finding out whether a different kind of conversation is even possible with this person, and one real conversation is usually enough to find out. The membership is for what comes after: the slow, ordinary work of a relationship that lasts. Start free, keep what helps.

Is this therapy?

No. Tara is a mediator for the conversation in front of you, built on the WinWin Conversations framework, with exercises adapted from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy and PREP. If you’re working with a therapist, Untangle is the practice between sessions.

Why would this work when talking already doesn’t?

Because most couples aren’t short on talking, they’re short on being heard. The whole method rebuilds the sentence that starts the fight into one your partner can take in, and then it asks the one question most arguments never reach: did you feel heard? That single shift is the point of everything here.

What if we start fighting in the middle of it?

Tara watches the temperature and slows the room down before it floods. You’ll never be pushed through a heated argument, and the mid-fight tools (a shared time-out signal, repair phrases, a timer) are in the app’s Toolbox.

Is what we say private?

Yes. Your words are yours. Live conversations happen on your phones. To recover a dropped connection, we hold an encrypted temporary checkpoint for up to 7 days, then delete it. You choose whether to keep a conversation longer. Nothing is shared with your partner until you share it, nothing is used to train AI models, and you can export or delete your account data any time.

What stays free?

The method itself, on the Method page, and the guides and glossary on this site, free to read. Everything in the app, the mid-fight Toolbox included, comes with the membership after your 3 free days.

More on Pricing

How do I cancel?

If you subscribed in the app, Apple runs the subscription, so you cancel with Apple. On your iPhone open Settings, tap your name, tap Subscriptions, choose Untangle, then tap Cancel Subscription. Do it at least 24 hours before the renewal date to avoid the next charge. Deleting your Untangle account does not cancel it. If you have an older website membership, sign in at letsuntangle.co/login, open your account page and choose Manage membership.

Can I get a refund?

If you subscribed in the app, Apple handles refunds. Go to reportaproblem.apple.com, sign in with your Apple Account and choose Request a refund. If you have an older website membership, reply to the receipt email and we will refund a paid month that did not serve you.

How do I delete my account?

In the app, open You and choose Delete account. With an older website account, sign in at letsuntangle.co/login, open your account page and choose Delete my account. It removes your sessions, statements and invitations from our active systems, and there is no undo. If Apple bills you, cancel in iPhone Settings first. Deleting your account does not stop an Apple subscription.

Can I get a copy of what I wrote?

Yes, any time. Sign in at letsuntangle.co/login, open your account page and choose Export my data.

I can’t sign in.

There is no password. Enter the email you signed up with and we email you a code or a sign-in link (the app sends a code). They expire, so use the newest email. If nothing has arrived after a minute, check your spam folder, then ask again. Still stuck? Email us.

My partner can’t get in.

Your partner doesn’t need the app or an account. They open your link in any browser, on iPhone or Android. Still stuck? Email us.

I shared something too personal by accident.

If you typed something like a full name, a home address or an ID number by mistake, email kailash@letsuntangle.co and we will delete it.

More on Support

From Untangle vs couples therapy

Is Untangle a replacement for couples therapy?

No. Untangle is not therapy and not for emergencies. It’s an AI mediator for the everyday fight. For abuse, safety, infidelity, addiction or a mental health condition, see a licensed therapist.

Can we use Untangle while we’re in couples therapy?

Yes, between sessions. Practice the conversation with Tara when the fight comes up, then take what you found back to your therapist.

How much does couples therapy cost compared with Untangle?

Couples therapy in the US is roughly $100 to $300 a session, often without insurance cover. Untangle is $25 a month for both of you, after 3 days free.

What happens if a conversation turns into a crisis?

Tara pauses and points you to real people who can help, with helplines a tap away. The check is automatic and won’t catch everything, so if you’re in danger, call 911 or 988 directly. Untangle is not designed for abuse, coercive control or fear for your safety, and it never replaces emergency care.

From Untangle vs ChatGPT

Can ChatGPT mediate an argument between me and my partner?

It can try. Group chats let you both join one thread, and you can ask it to stay neutral. But it has no couples method of its own and only knows what each of you types. Tara is built for this one job: each of you on your own phone, a fair turn each, and a check that you were heard.

Is Untangle built on ChatGPT?

No. Tara is an AI built on Anthropic’s Claude. Your content goes to Anthropic under an agreement that it’s not used to train Anthropic’s models, and Untangle never sells your conversations or uses them for ads.

Does my partner see what I tell Tara?

No. Your partner sees nothing you wrote until you share it, and a private word with Tara stays private. Stored conversations are encrypted with AES-256.

Is Untangle therapy?

No. Untangle is not therapy and not for emergencies. If a conversation turns into a crisis, Tara pauses and points you to real helplines. The check is automatic and won’t catch everything, so if you’re in danger, call 911 or 988 directly. It isn’t designed for abuse or fear for your safety.

How do we get Untangle?

Untangle is an iPhone app, and it’s arriving on the App Store soon. It’s 3 days free, then $25 a month for both of you, and your partner joins free from a link.

From Untangle vs Lasting

Is Untangle a good Lasting alternative for couples who fight a lot?

If the problem is the fight itself, yes. Lasting teaches skills through lessons you do at your own pace. Untangle puts Tara, an AI mediator, between you while you talk, each on your own phone, so you both walk away heard. If you’d rather learn calmly first, Lasting is the better pick.

Does Lasting have an AI mediator?

Neither its App Store listing nor Choosing Therapy’s review describes live or AI mediation. Lasting is content you work through together: short sessions and courses.

Is Lasting or Untangle therapy?

Untangle is not therapy and not for emergencies. Lasting calls itself a therapy program and is a Talkspace company, but Choosing Therapy’s review notes it doesn’t give you access to licensed therapists by message, phone or video. For serious trouble, see a licensed therapist.

Do both partners have to pay?

No, for either. One Lasting Premium subscription unlocks the app for two users. With Untangle, your partner joins free from a link, and their seat is always included in the $25 a month.

Can I download Untangle today?

Not yet. Untangle is an iPhone app, and it’s arriving on the App Store soon. It will be 3 days free, then $25 a month for both of you.

From Untangle vs Paired

Is Untangle a good Paired alternative for arguments?

For the argument itself, yes: that’s what Untangle is built for. Tara sits between you, each on your own phone, takes turns and checks you were both heard. For a light daily habit on calm days, Paired is the better fit.

Can we use Paired and Untangle together?

Yes. Paired is a few minutes of questions and quizzes a day. Untangle is for the fight you keep having. They don’t overlap much, so they can sit side by side.

Which is cheaper, Paired or Untangle?

Paired. Paired Premium is $79.99 per couple per year, with a 7-day trial on the yearly plan. Untangle is $25 a month for both of you, after 3 days free.

Does my partner need to pay too?

Not with either. On Untangle your partner joins free from a link. On Paired, only one partner needs to subscribe to Premium.

From Untangle vs Gottman

Is Untangle a Gottman Method app?

No. Untangle is built on the WinWin Conversations framework by Kamal Sarma, with Nonviolent Communication underneath. Some of its guided exercises are adapted from the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy and PREP, but if you want the Gottman Method itself, use Gottman’s own tools.

Is the Gottman Card Decks app free?

Yes. Gottman lists the Card Decks app as free. It’s conversation prompts you use together, with no AI.

Which costs more, Gottman or Untangle?

Gottman’s Card Decks app is free. Its Relationship Adviser program has a $250 list price and is often on sale, so check Gottman’s store for today’s price. Untangle is $25 a month for both of you, after 3 days free. Your partner joins free.

Does Tara take sides like a chatbot can?

No. Most AIs agree with whoever’s typing. Tara hears you both, each on your own phone, gives you each a fair turn and never says who’s right.

Can we use Untangle if we’re already in couples therapy?

Yes, between sessions. Practice the conversation with Tara when the fight comes up, then take what you found back to your therapist. Untangle is not therapy and not for emergencies.

From Untangle vs Maia

Is Maia or Untangle better for arguments?

Both can help with a fight. Maia has a voice feature for mediating conflicts inside a broader coaching app. Untangle is built only for the fight: Tara sits between you, each on your own phone, gives you each a fair turn and checks you were heard.

Do I have to pay for my partner on Untangle?

No. Untangle is $25 a month for both of you after 3 days free, and your partner joins free from a link.

Is Untangle out yet?

Not yet. Untangle is an iPhone app and it’s arriving on the App Store soon. Maia is already out (see the table for platforms).

Is Untangle a form of therapy?

No. Untangle is not therapy and not for emergencies. If a conversation turns into a crisis, Tara pauses and points you to real people who can help. The check is automatic and won’t catch everything, so if you’re in danger, call 911 or 988 directly. It isn’t designed for abuse, coercive control, intimidation or fear for your safety.

Are my Untangle conversations private?

Stored conversations are encrypted with AES-256. They’re never sold, never used for ads and never used to train AI models, and you can export or delete everything from your account, any time.

From Why you keep having the same fight (and how to stop)

Is it normal to keep having the same argument?

Yes. Most couples carry a few differences that never fully go away, and that’s normal. What changes is how you talk about them.

How do we stop arguing about the same thing?

Stop arguing the topic and name the need underneath it. Say what happened, how it felt, what you need, one thing you appreciate, and one clear request.

What if my partner won’t talk about it?

Start with your side alone. Get clear on what the fight is really about and how to say it, then ask when they’re ready, at a calm moment rather than mid-fight.

How long should we take a break when it gets heated?

The Gottman Institute suggests at least 20 minutes, doing something that actually calms you down. Agree on a time to come back so the break doesn’t feel like walking out.

Does a repeating fight mean we’re incompatible?

Not on its own. Most couples carry a few problems that never get solved. The warning sign is gridlock, when you stop being able to talk about it at all.

From What to do when your partner doesn’t listen

How do I get my partner to listen without starting a fight?

Pick a calm moment, raise one issue, and lead with how you feel and what you need instead of what they did wrong. End with one small, specific request.

What does it mean to feel heard in a relationship?

It means your partner has understood what you said and why it matters to you, and has shown you they understood, usually by saying it back in their own words.

Why does my partner get defensive when I bring things up?

Often because it lands as criticism of who they are rather than a complaint about one thing they did. Describe the specific moment and your feeling, not their character.

What if I’m the one who doesn’t listen well?

Ask your partner what makes them feel heard, then practise the listener role: no interrupting, no fixing, say it back, and ask if you got it right.

Can an app help us listen to each other?

It can give you structure. Tara, the AI mediator in Untangle, gives you each a fair turn and checks you were each heard. It isn’t therapy and doesn’t replace it.

From How to stop fighting about money as a couple

Why do couples fight about money so much?

Because money stands for bigger things, like safety, freedom and respect. Research finds money conflicts tend to recur and stay unresolved more than other topics, even when couples try hard to solve them.

How do you talk about money without fighting?

Agree on a calm time, take turns, and start with what money means to each of you rather than with the budget. Only problem-solve once you’ve both summarised the other’s view.

What if one of us is a saver and the other is a spender?

That’s often a perpetual difference rather than one you solve once. Find the fear under each side, agree on one shared goal, and set a small rule, like a no-questions spending amount for each of you.

How often should couples talk about money?

A short, regular check-in works better than a big talk during a crisis. A weekly slot of about 20 minutes, at a time when neither of you is stressed, is a good place to start.

When is a money fight a sign of something more serious?

When one partner controls access to money, hides it, or makes the other afraid to ask. That’s a safety issue, not a budgeting one, and a helpline or professional is the right place to start.

From How to split chores and the mental load without fighting

What is the mental load in a relationship?

It’s the thinking work of running a home: noticing what’s needed, working out the options, deciding, and checking it happened. It’s often invisible, which is why it causes so much conflict.

How do I explain the mental load to my partner?

Use a real example and walk through all four parts. “Buying the gift” also means remembering the birthday, picking something, ordering it in time and checking it arrived.

What’s a fair way to split chores?

Fair doesn’t have to mean 50/50 task by task. Split whole jobs, including the noticing and planning, and agree on what done looks like. Then review it every week or so.

Why does my partner say “just ask me” to help?

Because asking is part of the mental load. If one person has to notice, ask and follow up, they’re still managing the job. Owning a whole job is what takes it off their mind.

How do we stop keeping score?

Make the list visible, agree on owners, and check in weekly. Scorekeeping usually starts when the work is invisible and nobody has said what they expect.

From How to apologize to your partner so it lands

How do I apologize when my partner says my sorry doesn’t feel real?

Drop the “but” and the explanation. Name exactly what you did, say how you think it affected them and check you got it right, then offer one concrete repair. Ask what would make it feel real to them.

Should I explain why I did it?

Later, briefly, if they want to know. Explaining first sounds like an excuse. Your partner needs to know you understand the impact before your reasons can land.

What if my partner doesn’t accept my apology?

Give it time and don’t demand forgiveness. In the Ohio State research, asking for forgiveness was the least important part of an apology. Keep doing the repair you offered.

How soon after a fight should I apologize?

Once you’re both calm enough to listen. If either of you is flooded, the Gottman Institute suggests a break of at least 20 minutes and no more than 24 hours.

Is it okay to apologize over text?

A short text can open the door, but say the real apology out loud. In a 2013 BYU study, using texts to apologize or work out differences was linked with lower relationship quality for women.

From What to do after a big fight

How long should you wait to talk after a fight?

At least 20 minutes and no more than 24 hours, per the Gottman Institute. Agree on when you’ll come back before you take the break.

Is it okay to go to bed angry?

A pause overnight is fine if you’re both too flooded to talk well. Say when you’ll pick it up, and come back to it within a day.

Who should make the first move after a fight?

Whoever is calmer first. A small repair, like “I don’t want us to stay like this,” isn’t admitting you were wrong. It just opens the door.

What if my partner won’t talk after a fight?

They may be flooded. Give them space, then offer a specific time to talk rather than pushing now. If silence becomes the pattern, raise that on a calm day.

How do we reconnect after a bad argument?

Start with a repair, collect a few yeses, then take turns saying what happened and how it felt, reflecting back before you reply. Finish with one small request each.

From How to bring up something hard without a fight

How do I tell my partner something is bothering me without hurting them?

Ask if it’s a good time, then describe what happened without blame, say how it felt, name what you need, and make one specific request. Mention one thing they get right.

When is the best time to bring up a problem?

A calm moment when neither of you is tired, rushed or already upset. Ask first, and be willing to pick a time later that day.

Should I write it down first?

It helps. Writing separates what happened from what you made it mean, and shows you the one thing you actually want to ask for.

What if my partner gets defensive every time I bring something up?

Check your first sentence for blame, then reflect their side back before you add more. If it keeps happening, raise the pattern itself on a calm day.

Is there an app that helps you say hard things to your partner kindly?

Untangle is one. It’s an iPhone app where Tara, an AI mediator, helps you find what the fight is really about and turn it into words your partner can hear. It isn’t therapy.

From How to stop fighting over text

Is it bad to argue with your partner over text?

Usually. A 2013 BYU study linked using texts to apologize or work out differences with lower relationship quality for women. Use text for logistics and affection, and talk through conflict by voice or in person.

Why do we fight more over text?

Text strips out tone and faces, so each of you fills the gaps with the worst reading. Slow replies start to carry meaning, and it’s easy to send something while you’re still flooded.

How do we stop fighting over text?

Agree on a rule together: anything that’s a feeling, not logistics, moves to a call or in person. When it starts, send one line like “Can we talk tonight at 8?” and stop typing.

Should I apologize over text?

A short text can open the door, like “I’m sorry about earlier, can we talk tonight?” Save the real apology for a call or in person.

What is fexting?

Fexting is a nickname for fighting over text. It usually means an argument that runs back and forth in messages instead of being talked through out loud.